Of Ramen and Other Things
by Herm-Own-Ninny879
Summary: SasuNaru love anthology! "Uchiha Sasuke was unlike other shinobi. For one, he claimed Uzumaki Naruto as his 'ducky mommy.'"


"What the _hell _is _wrong _with you?"

_This was never the way I planned, not my intention._

-'I Kissed a Girl', Katy Perry

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**Of ramen and other things  
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WARNING! Slight MENTIONS (/expressions) of lime & _slight_ OOC later on.  
_By Herm-Own-Ninny879_

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Uchiha Sasuke was never one to enjoy annoying little brats. Especially if that brat's name was _Uzumaki Naruto_. Oh, _seriously_, have you seen that little nudger? He was blonde, loud, stupid, and too hyper to function. Sasuke, on the other hand, in comparison, was quiet, reserved, dark, and obsidian-eyed. He always kept to himself.

So why the hell did he fall for the village idiot? Oh, he didn't know. Maybe it was like what ducks did, 'imprinting' on the first thing they see when they're born (…believing that whatever they see first is their mother. Even a duck could believe a ROCK was its mother. But in this case, this was an imprinting of _love_.). His days were probably numbered the day they became friends, teammates. And God, did he _hate _that. He had little butterflies in his stomach every time the blonde _punched _him. PUNCHED. HIM. How seriously in love can you get? He felt like he could soar into the clouds every time Blondie yelled and picked fights with other boys (minus the worry that his little Blonde would get hurt).

But he had one, teensy, tiny, little…_problem_.

His precious, blue-eyed, annoying little blonde…already had a crush on one of his bloody FANGIRLS! GOD, how ironic can you get, Fate, you pain in the ass!

He wanted LOVE! LOVE!

But as of this moment, he mind was in other places: one, try to avert Naruto's gaze away from Haruno Sakura's, and two, have a very inconspicuous 'date' with his darling dearest. That pink-haired girl was always in his way of Naruto's affections. Well, maybe that would end today—maybe he could get his hands on his _lover_. Mmmmmm.

Sigh. It was still 'today,' and nothing at all had happened. Sure, he helped an old lady cross the street (forced by Kakashi, who incidentally ran off with Iruka-sensei on a 'reconnaissance mission'…); sure, he practically murdered ten training dummies with his kickass ninja skills and beheaded them in single combat…but he was _still _trying to fulfill his self-proclaimed prophecy.

Kick.

Kick.

Sigh.

Kick.

Kick-e-tee-kick.

He nudged a tiny rock on the dirt path towards the Ichiraku Noodle Bar. He wasn't intending to buy ramen. He only wanted to see Blondie. _His. _HIS ducky mommy.

"Yo! SAS_UKE_!" Sasuke flinched at the sound of his horrible nickname. Tch, Uchiha Sasuke was _never-ever-never _goingbottoms-up. But yet, it sounded _oh-so-_sweet, coming from his _oh-so-_appealing maverick. Maybe one day he would try bottoms.

"What the hell do you want, dobe?" Sasuke snapped. GAH. Evil, evil, evil. He hated it when his attitude came out this way…hell, this comes from continuously plotting revenge on a daily basis.

"I was wondering; like, do you have some extra ryo I could borrow? Like…now?"

"No." Simple, short, sweet, and to the point.

"I bet you do."

"Don't you get _enough _money from missions already?" _Damn. Stupid exasperation_.

"Yes. No. Maybe. Ero-sennin spent it all on _girls_." He choked on the last word.

"Then why the _hell_—" Sasuke tried to catch his breath, his dark eyes locked onto Naruto's blue ones "—did you let him do that?"

"I have no idea," his cupcake (what the hell?) shrugged. Then, his face lit up. "OH YEAH! I have a ramen coupon for two bowls! Want to come?"

_Me. Share. Ramen. With. Him. Holy. Shit. _

"Tch. Why would I want to go with _you_? I have my own coupon." He pulled out a tiny slip from his wallet. He was going to give it to Naruto, but it looked like they both had their own…

"Hold _on_, let me find mine," he said, rummaging through his pockets. Sasuke couldn't help but stare. Oh, boy. Naruto shrugged off his orange-and-blue jacket, revealing a pure-black t-shirt that showed the contours of his body well. His thin, slightly muscled body…

Torture.

Bloody amusing torture, if I do say so myself.

Naruto put on his jacket again, snapping Sasuke out of his little fantasy world again.

"Find it yet?" he said, dazed. His face was flushed—and he didn't notice.

"Yep!" he pulled it out of his pant pocket. "It wasn't in my jacket after all!"

"Let's just go…eat already." Heartbeat skipped.

"I'm game for that, ne!" Naruto was already jumping, his customary fist-in-the-air gesture eminent on the horizon.

They continued to walk again, awkwardness building in the air and in the ground on which they trod on. More silence came.

"So…"

"I'm going to make you eat the BIG ramen!" Naruto finally said, after several minutes of pondering. "It's huge. What _were _you planning to get for yourself?" Sasuke groaned inwardly at this comment.

"…small pork, soy sauce."

"Aw, you suck. You _have _to try the big one. You look anorexic."

"I'm just naturally _thin_, baka, so don't contradict me, or you die." Why, _why_? Why must he hurt him this way? But, he wasn't _that_ thin! _EGAD, JUST LOVE ME ALREADY!_

"Hmph, fine, be that way."

"Of course."

"Hey, Sasuke, I have to ask you a personal question."

Emo-Boy's eyes lit up almost immediately. If he were capable, he would've given Naruto a nice, little…tap? No…a kiss would do…no, a fu—

"What?"

"I…uh…do… Do you think I'd have a chance with the waitress, Mitsuki, you know, that one girl who works at the Ramen Bar?"

Sasuke's temple burst and he flushed pink again.

"NO."

"Huh?"

"I…I mean…she's too _old _for you, she's twenty, and we're about eighteen."

"Two years difference, I see no problem!"

"I thought you liked _Sakura_!"

Practical impulse, practical impulse to just rip that—_his_—blonde to shreds…in the most seductive way possible…oh, shut up, stupid impulse.

"Well…erm…okay. I don't like the ramen girl. I was kidding."

Relief washed all over Sasuke's body. Except the pink-haired, green-eyed monster came back to bite him in the arse.

"So, it's still Sakura, right?" He felt like he was imposing…but who the hell cared?

"Uhm…" Naruto bit his lip. Sasuke tried to fight 'the hungry.'

"J…J…Just tell me," he stuttered, and covered his mouth. Naruto looked at him speculatively. Sasuke inhaled and exhaled deeply, and put down his hand, folding his arms and staring down the ground.

"Are you okay? Do you need, like, Pepto-Bismol, or any form of meds?" Naruto asked warily. Our hero looked back up again, avoiding his 'lover's' eyes.

"No."

Blunt, straight, and to the point.

"We're HERE!" Naruto exclaimed, running right into the ramen bar. Sasuke sighed and followed, taking a seat at a stool.

"Naruto-kun, welcome back," the waitress, the overbearing, gorgeous, the-girl-who-was-quite-hot-but-not-in-Sasuke's-opinion, Mitsuki-chan, said sweetly. Sasuke wished the old waitress, Ayumi, was back. At least she was _decent_. But then, the old man had to go and make his daughter go on with her life, away from the beauty that was the ramen-selling business.

Then he had to go and hire this bitch who was freakily interested in his dear Blonde in a pedophilic way. At least…that's what _he _thought.

"I'll take my usual, and Sasu-chan here can have it too!"

_Suggestive. Stop it, shut up, Naruto. STOP IT. THAT'S TOO SUGGESTIVE…_

"Oh. You brought a friend," Mitsuki said, slightly crestfallen. Sasuke's little dobe nodded enthusiastically. Oh, that euphoric feeling again…

"Yep! I'm ready! Bring it on!"

_……_

"Right," the woman that was the domineering bane of Sasuke's love life stated bluntly, and she went off to cook in the back.

Silence! Silence had struck the two again, to Sasuke's disapproval. Well, ha, maybe he could at least _try _to be the life of the party today.

"So. Dobe-chan."

Naruto spun around at this affectionate little honorific. "What did you just call _me_?!"

Sasuke shook his head wildly, and turned away as his cheeks turned red-hot. Damn his feelings. Damn Naruto's adorableness. DAMN HIM!

"I called you Naruto-baka, yes, that's what I called you, Dobe-cha…I mean, Naruto-baka." GAR, why wouldn't his mouth shut up? Where was that revengeful, lustful part of him that wanted to explode earlier?!

"Dobe-chan?" Naruto giggled. "Why the hell did you call me THAT?"

Sasuke's current state of mind: Crap. Crap him, CRAP HIM!

Why…Why…WHY did he have to _giggle_…?

"B-because…B-Because…I WANTED TO!" Sasuke shouted hysterically, standing up, knocking down his stool. Mitsuki popped her head out of the kitchen nearly instantaneously.

"You…are weird, Sasuke-kun."

"I know I am. And why did you add 'kun'?!" This was just adding to the madness growing like a tumor in his head. It just grew…grew…and expanded…

"Why are you so hysterical? What's wrong with you?" His little angel was starting to sound panicked. "Do you _really need meds_? Do you need something?!"

Mitsuki seemed interested, and very conspicuously pretended to wash cups in the sink at the front counter, just a few seats away in front of the boy pair.

Sasuke had a hungry look on his face, and he looked at Naruto with a weird expression. Yes, he needed something, yes, he wanted to…

"NO." He blurted it out like Flubber.

"Have you slept properly lately?" Naruto asked worriedly.

"Pfft." Sasuke bit his lip, and crushed his fists into balls.

"The _hell_? What the _hell _is _wrong _with you?!" Naruto was freaked out now.

"…"

……

Shit.

Sasuke was thinking. He really didn't know what to think; Naruto…in broad daylight…in public, in front of the girl he, Sasuke, so desperately hated because of her good-looking-ness? Because she wanted _his _man? YES, he would so do that, most definitely, _hell _yes. Let Mitsuki drown in her blood and tears. Because afterwards, maybe a kunai knife might meet her throat in a deadly little manner, so to speak.

"Um…" she squeaked, "Your ramen is ready?"

The boys were still staring at each other.

"Sasuke, you look crazy. Calm down. Breathe. Just tell me what you need, and I'll get it!" Naruto stepped forward carefully.

"…"

"Come on. Tell me."

Sasuke couldn't take it anymore—Naruto's mouth, Naruto's eyes, Naruto's _body_, they were CALLING him.

And then he pounced…and their lips met. His mouth perfectly molded into Naruto's, and he twisted his hand into the blonde's hair. Mitsuki was shouting something, but nothing was heard, all sound disappeared. Naruto had a bewildered expression on his face, but was thoroughly enjoying this—he was kissing back, all rancid thoughts about Mitsuki _gone_. Naruto gripped tighter onto Sasuke, and when forever ended…

"HOMOIGAWD!" a girl's voice screeched…it wasn't Mitsuki's though. The boys tore apart, sweating from their vigorous kissing, and lo and behold, Haruno Sakura was standing in front of them, blushing, and her mouth was completely agape. "WOW. WHOA."

Sasuke had one hand on Naruto's waist, but that hand nearly fell…somewhere. The other hand was in the Blonde's hair. Naruto had both locked around Sasuke's neck.

"We can explain," Naruto said, pulling away, but Sasuke pulled him closer, glaring.

"I can see for myself what's going on here!" Sakura exclaimed, and she was laughing brightly. Sasuke's expression turned from agape to shock. "This, Sasuke, is what _love _feels like! Thank God, I thought you guys were OBLIVIOUS to this! AND IN PUBLIC! WOW!"

Naruto's hands fell to his sides.

"Uhm."

"Yeah."

"Now…well, don't mind me, go on," she skipped off, laughing maniacally. "Just take it private, mkay?!" Mitsuki fainted. To Naruto's surprise, Sasuke began again once Sakura was gone.

"Not here." Naruto whispered.

"Nah, my place?" Sasuke suggested. "Your apartment is a _pigsty_, Naru-chan."

"I'll clean it just for you," he whispered seductively in his ear. Sasuke shuddered at the closer impact.

"You ass," he said huskily, pulling Naruto tighter to him. "Now. You. Me. My house," he growled it.

"No…" Naruto groaned. "Some other time."

Sasuke gaped at him and let go weakly.

"Tomorrow night?"

Grins flashed among their faces.

FINALLY, his little dobe had returned to home base.

Coming in so, so luscious.

"So I guess you don't like Sakura?"

"What the hell, Sasuke?!"

--

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Naruto, because the lovely Kishimoto does. (BAH.) Neither do I own 'I Kissed a Girl' by Katy Perry. (How ironic is that to the story?)

**A/N: **Holy shit. I actually wrote something like this. You may be wondering about the rating; I was trying to be safe. But I don't think this really ranks as an 'M' fic. AND BTW, this was the first time I've actually written something this...deep. HA. So don't blame me.

R&R please, darlings.


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